What is the meaning?

I don't remember why, but the subject of an essay I wrote back in high school came up recently. Erin told me I needed to post it to our blog, so here goes.

First, some background. We came into the first day of Mrs. Goforth's junior AP English class and sat down. The first words out of her mouth, after the bell rang, were "Take out a piece of paper and a pen." These words greatly offended the sense of justice of the entire class -- "We're not supposed to have to do real work on the first day of class, are we?" Once the rustling of papers and pens being retrieved settled down, Mrs. Goforth began talking. And kept on talking. She talked a little bit about current events, she talked about the school, and seemingly whatever other random thing popped into her mind.

Then, about halfway through the class period, she said, "Okay, start writing."

As I'm sure she expected, this command was met with blank stares.

She said, "What are you waiting for?"

Someone hestitantly asked, "What are we supposed to write about?"

"Would you like some suggested topics?" she asked back.

I think I was the one who said, "Sure, if we don't have to choose one of them," as I was starting to suspect that her topics might not be the easiest ones to write about.

She then began to write some topics on the blackboard, most of which didn't really make any sense. When she wrote the words, "What is the meaning" I thought maybe she was finally starting a concrete topic, but then she simply added a question mark after those four words, and moved on to the next suggested topic.

After a few minutes of pondering my options, I decided to write my essay on the topic: "Who or What is the Meaning?" Here are the results.

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Who or What is the Meaning

The Meaning is the meanest ing ever known to man or ing. An ing, in case you didn't know, is a thing who left his th behind him somewhere. The Meaning likes to eat little ings, and things, and he also sings and wears rings, and unless he drinks the right kind of juice, he pings. The Meaning used to be a nice little ing; but when he started thinking about life, he decided there should be some Meaning to life, so he decided it was up to him to provide this service to the world.

Everyone should avoid the Meaning; for if you ever found out the Meaning, you would be in a mess. If you are a thing, I advise you to hold onto your th, because if the Meaning ever found out about a thing turning into an ing, he would grab an extra th plus an hy and turn the ing into a thinghy, which is related to a dinghy, which is usually all wet.

When the Meaning was found in the past, it was stuck in a dictionary, from which it quickly escaped. In the future, if the Meaning is ever found again, it should be reported to Mrs. Goforth, who would best know how to confuse it, and a confused Meaning is as good as no Meaning at all.

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Oh, by the way, I'm sure you're wondering: I got an "A" on the paper.